Couple Column: Three Common Relationship Problems, Solved

2011-09-05 12.55.44

There’s a popular quote from Winston Churchill that many believe applies to relationships— “If you’re going through hell,” he said, “ keep going.” But if your relationship problems are dire enough that you’re likening them to a roadtrip through all 9 levels of Dante’s Inferno…it may be time to slow things down and to do a little course-correction. For those of you who occasionally hit a bump on Relationship Road, here are three common relationship issues and some tips to help you chart a course through them…

Problem 1: Poor communication.

For whatever reason, words don’t come easily,

and when they do— they’re weighted heavily with feelings. Instead of being able to have a productive fight— more on that here— one viagradosage-50mg100mg200mg or viagra 50mg both of you end up on the defensive or absolutely shut down http://cialisvsviagra-toprx.com/ because you feel attacked or insulted.

The fix: Facing up to the issue at hand openly and honestly, no matter how many knots it creates in your stomach, is the healthiest way to get through. Being alone and in pain by hiding and burying your true feelings isn’t good for you or your partner.

Protip: Poking with snide comments or partaking in name-calling to get a rise from at your partner during a time of poor communication will do more harm than good. At all costs, avoid accusatory language, and “always” or “never” statements… and don’t get caught up in minor details.  

Problem 2: Feeling unappreciated.

In many relationships, there comes a time when small slights begin to pile up and perhaps cause one (or both) of you to feel undervalued and under-appreciated. Perhaps there is a feeling that one partner values the relationship more than the other, or a sense of unhappiness when comparing your relationship to that of the couples around you… but whatever the cause, the feeling that you don’t mean as much to your partner as your partner means to you needs to go.

The fix: If you’re feeling under-appreciated, or you’re suspecting that your partner may be… speak up about your feelings. While you’re discussing the root causes of those feelings, however, avoid value judgements against the other person (i.e. “You’re a bad partner!” or “Only horrible people do [x]!”). Coming at your partner with, “But [our friend]’s boyfriend buys her flowers every week! Why don’t you love me enough to do that?!” isn’t the way to do it. Instead, express to your partner that small, sweet displays of affection like buying flowers or surprising you will make you feel more romanced or “loved up.”

Protip: If you’re the party feeling under appreciated, avoid ultimatums at all costs (no threatening to leave— someone might just call your bluff!), and do not compare your relationship directly to those around you by naming names or bring up exes from the past.

 

Problem 3: Relation stagnation.

For almost every couple– but especially those in long-term relationships– there comes a time when you find yourselves in a dreaded rut. Whether you’ve gotten into a regular, staid routine that is sucking the excitement out of your relationship or sexytimes aren’t as sexy as they used to be (brb, sobbing at that thought), you know that something has to change before you both go insane.

The fix: Make a serious effort to try something new. If you are tired of Taco Tuesday (okay, I lie, no one is ever tired of Taco Tuesday) or if the thought of going to the same weekly hangout spot or going on the same running trail for the gazillionth time drives you insane, do something new! Find a new hangout vendo cialis chile spot, plan a date night based on your shared bucket list, or try a new activity to break the pattern. The same set of fixes is also applicable to bedroom routine-breaking as well.

Protip: When you’re trying to break a routine-induced rut, it’s important to figure out how it originally started. Not all routine activities are bad for relationships– some couples thrive on them!– but it’s important not to put the blame on one person when it’s happening.

Have you experienced any of these problems in your relationships, or is there a free viagra nagging relationship problem you have that you’d like to disadvantages using viagra solve? Share it global pharmacy canada cialis in the comments!

 

About Tess

I'm the weekly columnist at Couple who writes about all things dating, relationships and technology.

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